Cruising
by NotAContrivance
Summary: Songfic to Tell Her What She Wants to Know by Sam Phillips. Just what was Luke thinking about when he proposed to Nicole on the cruise?


This is a songfic that I've had lying around on my computer for a LONG, long, long time. It's to the song "Tell Her What She Wants to Know" on the Soundtrack. It's track number...Uh, 17. It's also by Sam Phillips and from the moment I heard it, I'm all, that is SO a L/L song. And I had to listen to it for seriously like twenty times, so the words, a few of them, might be a little off.

And, you know, it's about what the heck Luke was thinking when he proposed to Nicole and got married to her on the cruise. It's just really strange, too. Lyrics are in between the asterisks ()...

Review, please!

Luke sighed. He should have listened to his instincts and not gone on the cruise. Yet here was, drinking away his sorrows. That dream was a premonition, why, oh, why didn't he listen? But it wasn't just a dream. A dream wouldn't haunt him like this.

What was he thinking? He hated everything about cruises. The fattening all-you-can-eat-buffets, the planned activities, how the boat rocked, the cheesiness of it all. He had left to escape the memories, but now, they were all he had. It wasn't any use, he thought, she's in Europe anyways.

Lorelai was right. She had always been. There were couples all around and Nicole was dropping so many hints it nearly made him sick. He shouldn't have gone. Nicole was okay, but he wasn't willing to get serious with her. He shouldn't lead her on. He didn't love her.

And then, that stupid song came on again.

She's not with you now 

_You think too much about her_

They played it about every five minutes in this stuffy, over-priced bar. And, it ALWAYS made him think of... her. He couldn't stand it and he was about to leave. But, his girlfriend arrived. So Luke sat back down like a good little boy.

Nicole told some stupid joke that their cruise friends, "Mindy" and "Gordy", had told her. He hated them. They were so fake. Why had he come here?

Nicole smiled and Luke remembered why he came. He genuinely liked Nicole, just not enough. But then again, nothing was ever enough. When, he wondered, had he last been truly happy?

Of course, Lorelai and her random boyfriends often put a damper on his mood. But his brain was foggy from all the alcohol. He couldn't think.

_Thinking of new questions_

_You don't know _

_What you don't know_

Ugh. That song was dredging up stupid feelings he didn't want to think about. And regret. Lots of regret. His middle name was practically regret. Nicole doesn't notice that he's zoned out. Sometimes, he wonders if she even cares at all.

But, he's not used to people caring about him anyways. Everyone he's cared about is dead to him. Nearly anyways. His parents, long-gone. His sister, they have this nice habit of not getting along. Jess, well, he's off with Jimmy, isn't he? And Lorelai won't even think of him in a non-platonic way. Rory's not his daughter.

But this train of thought is depressing. He wishes for courage, courage he's never had. It's not like he'll ever tell her.

But a part of him, the one that still thinks logically, says otherwise. It's the truth. It'll come out someday. But Luke shook his head and trudged on.

Nicole was dropping hints left and right. By now, he had had more than ten beers. It was a wonder he was still sitting. And that's when it occurred to him.

_Because you've never said_

_And the quiet doubts about you_

_Will gather in her head_

If only such things could happen. If only. But Lorelai had to be about the densest person on the planet. Any normal person would've at least suspected by now. Everyone in the town thought...

But he and she were not everybody. And they both denied it.

Honestly, though! He had asked her out, at least twice. Wasn't it suspicious that he went for long periods without dating? Or that when she dated people, he did too? She never saw it. Everyone commented on it. Could everyone be wrong?

He sighed internally. Of course they could. Now the stupid chorus was coming on. Could this get any worse?

_So tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out anyway_

_Oh, tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out_

Right. Rhetorical question. And the words slip out of his mouth, faster than he can think them. Her eyes light up and she nods quickly. That's all the convincing he needs, he's surprised he can even function. He gets up quickly. She grabs his hand.

And it's off to their cabin, so she can get the wedding dress she was just waiting to use. Something about this feels wrong, especially since she has rings. Maybe he wasn't thinking this through enough.

He voices his concerns, yet it gets him nowhere. Nicole gives him a look. She shakes her head and Luke's too tired to put up a fight. She drags him with her. They're going to get married. On the boat.

This is way too soon. Way too soon. He can't do this. It's so out of character. Wait, maybe that's why he wanted to do it. When was the last time he had done something crazy?

Tonight. Right. Was he going to do this? It was too fast. They were going too fast.

_Oh, tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out anyway_

_Tell her_

_Tell her_

Did they project that stupid song everywhere? Yes, apparently. He jerked his hand from Nicole's, but she grabbed it again. Was she as drunk as he was? No. No one could be that drunk.

He was in a foul mood. Very foul. He told her not to get married on the boat. She looked him in the eyes and told him that if they didn't get married now, they never would. He was speechless and so tired. She grabbed him again, pulling him slowly towards the captain.

Why had he proposed? He was the stupidest man on Earth. And, he wasn't much of a romantic, but he wished that something would happen to stop the wedding. But Lorelai didn't know he was getting married. Why would she even care? She was in Europe, she'd never know. This might be his only chance.

To get married. To have children. To get the whole package. Maybe it would work out.

He looked around the cabin, looking for a reason to delay this union.

_If you can't find her_

_That's when she's gone _

_Looking for you_

Jeez, were they using this song as a wedding march? Shows how short they were on music, eh. Maybe Nicole was crazy about it. Or God was trying to punish him in some sick, crazy way. Sam Phillips, stupid Sam Phillips. He didn't even want to know how he knew who wrote the song. The songwriter obviously meant to kill him with the irony.

But there was none. No Lorelai. No reason. No nothing. It was just him, Nicole, and the captain. Nicole looked at Luke, being patient. He was zoning out again.

Nicole was too good for him. She loved him. He didn't love her. He felt so alone. The captain began the service. And Luke worried. But he said not a word. Wishing to leave this stifling place.

_She gives you too much room_

_And it makes you feel alone_

Now it's his turn to speak. Luke's throat is dry. He cannot speak. The words won't come out of his mouth. I do. For some reason, beyond his control, he can't say it. Maybe it's a sign.

There's no maybes about it. Everyone's looking expectantly at him. Waiting for the answer. To a question he wishes he was never asked. What can he say? What will he do? His mouth opens and the words flow out.

They're lies, but it's better than nothing. And what's one lie compared to the many he's said concerning her over the years? What's one, little, white lie, when compared, to an ocean?

_You won't let it go_

_But you won't say you love her_

_She'll see it in your eyes_

_She'll know_

He doesn't need the moment of clarity that follows. For it merely confirms what he's known for years. Since Rachel left. He's in love with Lorelai. And has been for years. But this is something he's already known for years. And everyone around them.

All but her.

When would she see it in his eyes? Would she ever know?

The next thought that followed was about that stupid song. That stupid, cursing song. He and Nicole were married now. It was legal. But he didn't care. They went back to their room. He slept.

_So tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out anyways_

_Oh, tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out_

Luke awoke the next morning with a raging headache. A hammer was splitting open his head. He looked up and it all came to him. What had happened. His face paled and he ran to the bathroom. He threw up.

Oh, no. Oh, no. This was bad. He shook Nicole awake, and the world spun. They talked. Luke knew what he had to do. They had made a mistake. They would get divorced. He wanted an annulment, she didn't.

Why were things so complicated? And to make it worse, as if the sulky wife and hangover weren't enough, that STUPID song started playing again.

_Oh, tell her what she wants to know_

_She'll find out anyway_

_Tell her_

_Tell her_

_Tell her_

And that's what he'd do. When she got back. No hesitation. He'd tell her.

Tell her.

- Loren ;

And that's pretty much it...


End file.
